The Green Hornet: Epic fail

This review serves also as an apology to the 5 individuals I dragged to this movie citing words such as “Superhero”, “Action” and “Cameron Diaz” as possible baits. The day which was full of sporting victories(Manchester United destroying Birmingham City and Purdue rolling over Michigan State) ended on a foul note with one of the most disastrous productions of all times. Though I still hate RED more..

Anyways, like most movies that tend to disappoint, the plot was cliqued. Here we go- “Rich son-Father dies-Change of heart-Faithful and ridiculously talented side-kick- hot intelligent chick- weird narcissistic villain- epic final battle- awkward jokes- awesome gadgets- happy ending- kiss my ass(optional)”

No, I did not expect something like the Dark Knight. Never. There won’t be another Dark Knight. However, you do expect people trying to make their movies more interesting. So now let’s take a look at specifics:

Seth Rogen as Green Hornet had to be the stupidest decision ever. You start realizing that soon  when you see him “dancing” or attempting something similar during the party scene right in the beginning. The fact is confirmed when he does his whole “OMFG Awesome” histrionics on seeing how his dad’s car had been converted into a deadly weapon.(Not close to the Bat mobile though. Not even close.) Jay Chou does the job of the Martial Art expert cum pervert cum Engineering genius decently. I would like to point out that the parts when he says that time slows down and he observes everything at a slower pace with better understanding reminded me a lot of what Shawn does on Psych. Cameron Diaz wraps up anyone worth mentioning(actually even she is kinda out of place but..er..) as she plays the role of Rogen’s new temp. Frankly, she looks more like his elder sister.

You may survive the movie due to the antics of Christopher Waltz(whose role as the Psychotic Nazi general in Inglorious Basterds is embedded in my head forever). Waltz acts as Russian Mobster Chudnofsky who is facing some sort of a mid-life crisis where he seems to think no one thinks he is scary enough. Yes, that is the best the writers could come up with.

In short, a must DO NOT WATCH!

Boiler Up!

 

Combined Movie Review-Machete, Social Network and The Town

Above named are the 3 best movies that I’ve seen since I’ve entered the US. This is sort of a combined review of all 3. I’ve been kinda busy with other projects. Must focus more on studies now.

MACHETE

Rating- 4/5

The best of the lot for sure. Robert Rodriguez comes up with one of the most entertaining flicks I’ve ever seen. It has the sets of a B-grade movie with dialogues which literally force you to ROFL. And trust me, Danny Trejo does the job of a Mexican good cop who must face bad guys like Robert De Niro and Steven Seagal with aplomb. With the scars on his face, he is best badass ever! Add smoking hot Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba to the mix and we have a winner!

THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Rating-3.5/5

Facebook is a reality in most people’s lives. Especially in high school and college where most people do tend to have a Facebook account. So a controversial look at the origins of this company would obviously draw in the masses. I found the Social Network more like a documentary with obvious additions so as to spice up the story line. Overall a good job though must not be interpreted as the truth as we cannot be too sure on whether things did happen that way. A good watch with friends.

The Town

Rating 3.5/5

A movie directed by Ben Affleck with him playing the lead role? I must say I was a bit apprehensive first but soon realized that Affleck has actually done a great job in this movie. The story revolves around Charlestown, a place notorious for producing bank robbers. Affleck falls in love with one of his captives during one particular shootout. The story moves with how he must now cope with this new found love interest while also maintaining the balance with his lifelong buddies. Affleck does a good job of trying to keep away from the usual cliques and manages to come up with a thriller.

 

Movie Review-The Expendables

My first weekend at college! I must say I have never ever anticipated holidays the way I did for these.I mean-5 days into college and the assignments had screwed me up big time.So Friday night was like redemption! We went the Union Bash,the Purdue Glee Club performance(which we exited mid-way ) and played arcade games. At 11:45 PM we decide to end the day with a movie. I personally wanted to watch Vampires Suck and pledge my support to fellow Twilight Haters. However,everyone around me wanted to watch the- movie-which-has-every-possible-action hero-possible!!  And so we booked ourselves for the 12:20 AM Expendables . Also winning the arguement was the fact the IMDB(traitors) gave this movie a 7.4 in comparison to 3.4 to Vampires. What happened next was a complete mood spoiler..

Rating- 1.5/5

It almost kills me to give a movie with Sylvester Stallone,Bruce Willis,Arnold Schwarzenegger,Jason Statham,Jet Li,Stone Cold Steve Austin(Yay!),Mickey Rourke and people whose names I can’t remember-such a pathetic rating.And Stallone directed this himself. But I swear the movie thoroughly deserves it. When you see such a star cast-you expect better. Keeping in mind that most of these guys have “action” plastered all over their faces.

The story plot is simple. Stallone and his team are  hired assassins. Brilliantly skilled,these men are hired by Willis to kill a rogue CIA agent who has taken control of a remote island called Vilena.(or something similar) What happens next is obvious. The “team” fights the army of buffoons who I  believe were trained to die at the faintest touch possible. You have the Batista guy from Dexter(:D) acting as the head of state who later on realizes how wrong he was to sell his land to the “Americans”.  This is after he lets them torture his daughter.

Amigo,you’re weird.

At the end of countless minutes of lame conversations and unreasonable shooting-the land is freed and you are free to leave the hall and curse yourself over entering it in the first place.

Now let me explain why the movie sucked.

1)These guys must have like 100 action movies between them. How can they expect the audience to admire the same plot that they have seen countless times again? And that too in the driest manner possible?

2)Individual performances sucked. Stallone usually seemed to be trying to escape from the camera. Jet Li’s presence was a joke in itself.He seemed more confused than the audience at most times.  Statham was like the only one who held his own at times. I wish Steve Austin stop being the bodyguard at all times. Mickey Rourke’s performance as the “dealer cum tattoo guy” was disgusting.The part when he tells about how he let a woman in Bosnia commit suicide almost made me laugh.

3)Stallone falls for a girl almost 40 years younger to him.Love is blind but this actually dumb.

Final verdict? Big let down.With such a star cast-you expect something way better. Powerful guns and lightning fast reflexes aren’t enough.

If only I had gone for Vampires Suck….:(

Btw-another Owl City must hear

Movie Review-Knight and Day

Rating-3/5

According to me-Knight and Day can be passed of as another movie in the Mission Impossible series. I mean-the basic plot is the same. Spy Tom Cruise-misunderstood-betrayed-hot chick-stunts-gets the chick-death defying action scenes-new chick every movie. However, it’s not officially part of the MI franchise and let’s leave it at that.

The story begins with what I call clichéd Bollywood entry. Hero meets Heroine at airport-initial irritation-love sprouts-family war-rain dance-hero kills 100 men-they live happily ever after. Thankfully,this was Hollywood and not Rajnikant’s home production. I digress. Cruise meets Cameron Diaz at the airport and he keeps bumping into her(horny bastard ) the whole day! They eventually enter the flight where Cruise kills some 10-15 “secret agents” and crashes the plane. He drugs her but before Diaz falls asleep, he gives her careful instructions NOT to mention anything about him to anyone. Diaz however acts stupidly (as expected) and ends up in the custody of Federal Agents. She is saved however by Cruise who once again kills around 20 guys and drives away with her.

And so begins the usual Bad guy-good guy chase. Apparently, a whiz kid has developed a battery capable of charging a small city and the “bad guys” are after it. Cruise is betrayed by his partner, hunted by a Spanish arms dealer and has the CIA going bonkers over him.

Knight and Day has nothing new to offer. It’s your regular spy movie. You may call it disappointing to a certain extent as we are shown nothing we haven’t seen before.The action scenes are pretty regular. No new fancy gadgets/spy toys.

Cruise and Diaz do fine together. Though Diaz shows signs of aging at times.

All in all-a one-time watch!

P.S-This was the first movie I saw in a Kerala Cineplex.Everything was good and surprisingly-even the crowd was relatively decent keeping in mind past experiences!

Movie Review- Kick Ass

Rating-4/5

Just finished watching Kickass and felt compelled to write a review. I really liked the movie. I mean it’s like those feel-good type of movies that you enjoy. They might not necessarily make sense all the time but you do get your money’s worth.(In my case for free!) I first heard about the movie here(couldn’t find the exact link;guess he deleted it.)

The story is pretty simple. It’s plot is centred around a comic enthusiast who wants to be a superhero in real life.The guys name is also pretty unconventional.(As in there is no MAN attached to his name.Like Spiderman,Batman,Iron Man,Hanuman-you get the point).

Anyways,our Superhero Kickass is an average joe living life under his cloak of invisibility while fantasizing secretly about his English teacher! He can’t seem to understand why to date noone has been dumb enough to actually become a superhero. So you must obviously get the point that he now becomes the superhero in question. He gets stabbed in his first attempt. Becomes a Youtube celebrity in the second. Ends up forced to act gay cause that’s the only way he can get close to the chick he likes(I never knew gay guys had so many privileges,apart from the obvious that is).

Enter Nicholas Cage and his cute little daughter who are obsessed wit killing people. There is a whole history behind it but I’d say you watch the movie to know more. Heavy doses of the drug cartel as well. Damn! Must say the fighting scenes were pretty good. I mean it’s not everyday that you see a 1o year old girl beating the hell out of some 20-30 odd armed men,do you?

All in all. Great movie.

Review-The Blind Side

Rating- 4/5

The Blind Side in word is-Touching. I’m usually averse to emotional movies (in public at least). However the whole theme of this movie is awesome and brilleightly portrayed. I loved the way each character pulled off their roles. One clear message is that there is still good in this world. That regardless of how fucked up things might seem, good people still roam around the planet. Another important thing to note would be the whole Honor and Courage thing. Simply put, if you really work up your ass over something, you’re most probably going to get it or something even better.

The Blind Side revolves around the real life story of NFL player Michael Oher. His father left him as a young boy and his mother wasn’t exactly the motherly types (12 kids..Whew!). Anyways, the boy is pretty big(looks like a ogre in the beginning ).  But he’s an innocent and decent person. He reminds you of Shrek apart from the fact that he’s not green (Duh). Everyone calls him Big Mike but he personally doesn’t like it.  We join the story when Shrek joins his new school where they initially decide NOT to admit him due to his poor academic record (0.7 GPA..COMMON?!!!). However the football coach gives the usual inspirational lecture to the school administrators and gets the boy in. Problems arise when he has to move out his friend’s house (with whom he moved to this new neighborhood) Add to this the news that he lost his Father and you start wondering why everything bad  happens to good people. Also his teachers consider him a dumb jerk while no one wants to be friends with him. And the guy has no place to sleep…

The tide turns. Sandra Bullock plays the role of Leigh who has two of her kids in the same school. One night on her way back with her family she notices Shrek walking alone. That is when she stops and asks him where he is up to. He lies to her and tries to get away but she asks him to come over and spend the night at their place. Another look into human attitude. You listen to Leigh and her husband discussing about whether the boy would steal something but when they come downstairs, the boy has placed everything neatly and has already left when they reach. She stops him and from there on begins the process of Michael becoming part of the family.  They all accept him wholeheartedly, initially with apprehension and but then with love.

Now however comes the part when Michael has to join the football team. He initially doesn’t gel pretty well as the boy is huge but doesn’t want to hurt anyone. However Leigh makes him to think of the whole team as his family and how he should protect them. They get him a tutor so as to improve his grades so that he might get a scholarship for college. The boy improves wondrously and soon has calls from many colleges. Some way or the other, he finally chooses UMis which is the college that his entire foster family has been too. This causes the NCAA to believe that Oher was caught in a vicious plan to get the helpless to get to UMis. Michael too believes for some time that he had been fooled into doing the same. However, light dawns on him soon and the boy reunites with his family.

The role played by his younger brother SJ is really relieving. The kid becomes Michael’s coach and trains him. His sister Collins also would not let him be alone. The family gets him a new car and most importantly, the make sure that he never feels LONELY again. Michael Oher has a family. And the world has hope.

I need more Oscars for this one. Bullock fantastic!

My favorite exchange from the movie

Michael-Thanks.I’ve never had one before.

Leigh=What, a room?

Michael-No, a bed…

Review-Hurt Locker

Rating-4/5

The Hurt Locker has many messages intervened in it. The one most striking is obviously-Human Relationships. How people take time to get used to each other. How initially we develop per-conc eptions and most people aren’t usually as bad as they initially appear. It has an intense theme and gives us the story of Iraq right through the soldiers eyes. It shows how close death can come and how some men have to cope with it.

It revolves around a Bomb squad in Iraq facing their last month in duty comprising of Sergeants Thompson, Sanborn and Eldridge. The movie begins with the trio trying to detonate a bomb in the middle of a street which culminates in Thompson dying. FYI, Thompson was the group leader of the trio. Though it would be worth mentioning that Sanborn is the brains behind the whole thing and Eldridge is plain pussy (hehe…: P). Anyways, Thompson’s death leads to a new hot head, Sg. James joining in as the new group leader. The trio takes time to adjust to each other because James simply doesn’t like thinking much before doing moist things while the other 2 consider him plain crazy (They even contemplate killing him once). Add to this each soldiers personal problems and the alarming number of suicide bombers Iraq and we have a winner!

There are a lot of small characters intertwined into the story. Most important among them is the role of the little boy “Beckham” who sells DVD’s and develops a special bond with the soldiers. Another little character is the Colonel who acts as a Psychiatrist for the soldiers. Queer part is the way he dies. Life is strange, eh?!

The movie is more of a documentary but I believe it deserved more Oscars than it got. Particular scenes in the movie are striking and cinematography deserves to be lauded. My personal favorite is the one where James returns from their final mission and takes shower with his clothes on and the entire floor turns red with the blood on him.

Watch it. You will notice how really fucked up Iraq is. And how some suffer due to some jackasses adrenaline rush.

Review- Book Of Eli

Rating-2.5/5

Ok.This movie shot straight from 1.5 to a 2.5 just because of the ending.  The Book of Eli might have loads of shitty/WTF moments inside it but the last 20 minutes or so of the movie make up for that completely.

The movie revolves around Eli (Denzel Washington) who believes that a voice instructed him to take the last remaining copy of the Bible to the West. The world as we know it today has been destroyed due to a great apocalyptic war. Where exactly in the West is unknown to both Eli and the viewers at large. I personally felt it to be from one end of the town to the other but let’s not dwell much on that.  He has been travelling for 30 years or so and has developed great survival skills. Like killing a bony cat by laying still on the ground. I personally would recommend anyone who wanted to do the same to simply run after the cat as the little thing seemed too malnourished to run. The movie does remind you of I am Legend. But it is nothing compared to it.

So our man Eli enters a new town ruled by a certain maniac called Carnegie(Garry Oldman). And this is where the chaos in the movie begins. Apparently Carnegie is more desperate than the Pope himself to grab a copy of the Bible. His reason being that The Bible shall help him spread his power/influence people more. His reasoning is utterly pathetic and I wondered what Scriptwriter was thinking while writing this very part of the story. Anyways as our Hero and Villain have been identified, the usual chase begins. Initial wariness. Mutual hatred. Hero kicks villain ass. But here Carnegie does manage to shoot down Eli but he survives..

Till here anyone watching this movie would why on earth they ever came to watch this shit? But the movie finally stuns everyone when it is revealed that Eli is…I’m not gonna reveal the one good part for which this movie is worth watching.

Otherwise lots of rape and mild actions scenes adorn the movie. Lots of small characters. No eye candy at all..

On the whole, lazy weekends watch. I mean really lazy.

My favorite line from the movie,

“I fought the good fight. I finished the race. I kept the faith.”