By the time I reached home though, I finally seem to have understood one thing. It’s an Indian thing.

We’re all royally screwed.

Kindly realize at this precise moment that this isn’t a specific rant. This is well…fuck that. Let me talk about what’s driving me insane.

It began with this. I read this guy’s post on the whole Metallica concert in Gurgaon turning into a riot. Found the link on Twitter but had heard a few rants on Facebook as well. At that time I shrugged in that familiar Indian way. Plus I saw this video of the riot at the event. Lame by our usual standards?

It’s India man. Shit happens.

Then I heard people talk about how Delhi can’t host these things anyways. Uncivilized animals. Hooligans. I sighed again.

I’ve heard those before. Many times.

But when I read the above mentioned post, some weird type of anger started building up.

Them racist jerks! Manhandling our people! Just because we are a 3rd world country? The comments as usual were extremely supportive to that cause. People just rioted cause they were pissed at the management. The media as usual sucks. Government is useless. Country is messed up. A lot of talk about DNA had me confused until I realized that was the name of the event management firm.

Who the fuck calls their company DNA?

But soon every inch of me started loathing everything. India is so beyond repair. Corruption, crime , reservations , terrorism and related headlines. We either kill ourselves while fighting over God or others who actually don’t believe in God shred us to pieces in his name.

The usual emotions during such an event right?

We are so fucking used to getting used to stuff!(grammar mistake?) My head explodes with the instances of the amount of times I’ve told people about how great India is but how we ourselves destroy it. I’m an idealist someone once told me. I expect people of such a huge and vast diversity to live happily together as a bunch of siblings.

Quarrel? Yes. Hate, NEVER!

Stupid me I guess.

I am of South Indian lineage but I was born and brought up in the North.

It is not enough that I was born in India.

Of all places, Delhi. Surrounded by people from just about every corner of the country. No differences. I think about how as kids we played cricket in our apartment. We broke windows and we ran. We hid together as the owner shouted expletives into thin air. We were caught a few times. But we took the abuse together and swore mutiny and promised revenge once the elders were out of hearing range.

I remember when I first talked to my parents about not returning to India.

“It’s so perfect here. Everything’s perfect”

Too perfect I now realize. I’m not used to cops arriving inside 2 mins of an emergency or a cars that make way when an ambulance approaches.

I am part of the filth that my country is infamous for. There is no permanent place for me here. I cannot settle. I am one with the dirt.

I loved the World Cup. Not just because we won, but because we all just molded together. No states , no previous arguments. Everyone forgot everthing as long as we won.

WE.

Pessimistic? Cynical? Refuses to see India’s bright side? Nah you idiot. I see it.

But isn’t it a bit too dim my friend? And is everyone really getting it or are only a few basking in it?

You know what really gets to me. I see videos of the rioters in the concert. I see similarities in the riots in London , the ones in Vancouver(Canada) and even River Plate(Argentina). All these people have one thing in common. They’re all fucking SAD. Not in the “emo” way or other variants of the word now so common online. The real sad. People who are just so tired of how things just never seem to work and how it’s all so wrong.

You may add deviant, malicious and hormonally charged to that list. True, vandalism is disgusting and in no way do I approve of it simply because it’s the innocent who end up being victims of this form of anger. I simply find that emotion equally responsible for such things.

Over reacting? I shouldn’t be bothered I suppose. Worse things happening all around. Economy is rising right?

Anyways, it’s over now. Do the usual shrug and forget this incident. Small incident. Just a band.

It’s India man. Shit happens.

The curse of being Indian is to be born in paradise and yet stare at it’s destruction hopelessly.

Had this song on loop while writing. Blame them for this.

Where is our Robin Hood?

P.S Er..to those offended by the profanity that I don’t tend to use often(at least while writing )..I’m allowed one rant right?

Idealist signs out.

9/11 has to be part of the Oxford Dictionary for sure. I mean, Google made it and the last few years have seen the literary geniuses who edit and monitor the “Bible” of word meanings add words that range from ‘sexting’ to ‘OMG’ and ‘LOL’. (read  more here). I say simply that simply because I assume that the rational our pundits applied was the “high impact or increased usage” of the word. 9/11 did more than that. It had an aftershock which would change the very fabric of the world system.

For the Martians in the crowd, 9/11 refers to twin plane crashes into the World Trade Center buildings on September 11,2001 (9/11 see?). It was the brainchild of our now dead (or  alive) psychotic Islamist pseudo-God, Osama Bin Laden. That is all for you guys. Now back to the rest of the poor homo sapiens who are all too familiar with this weird smirking guy we all have seen on TV for almost a decade now.

So what was the first reaction? For me, the first thing I remember sitting at home in India was the newspaper headline, “America Attacked!”(Creative eh?). For 9 year olds like me, the whole kill people to prove a point theory the above mentioned psychopath propagated was a bit beyond what my brain could process. In the coming years though I would see first hand examples of how twisted people can actually get in the form of communal riots, strikes and political wars. But that is common in some form or the other in most parts of the world today.

On a global scale,2 different types of changes spread. The first was the more obvious and required change; security measures around the world. Airports  have been at the receiving end of many who think their new measures invade privacy. A few cases here and there have been a bit twisted but its better to be manhandled than be blown  up in an aircraft right? I mean, that is the best we can come up with in these situations. I mean people must realize that not everyone is either travelling for pleasure or business. We now have to keep in mind that there are those with simpler motives which include either taking hostages, recording videos wearing black masks and AK-47′s or even crashing an entire plane right through a building. The reason? A bunch of repetitive religious gibberish.

Security cameras deserve a special mention. Structures from embassies to high schools adopted these “monitoring” devices so as to ensure everything was under control. For some I would agree these were required but in schools, this simply encouraged any hormonally charged rebellious teen to find the camera’s blind spot and then grin maniacally at his/her achievement.

The second and more disheartening change I observed was the rekindling of the War over Religion. In India, most people built it up as a Muslim vs Hindu fight while the rest of us Christians, Sikhs, Jains and other minorities got involved once in a while. We didn’t need 9/11! We Indians have been happily hacking against each other for so long now! Everybody swore revenge at everyone while everyone else died. A vicious loop of insanity, murder, insanity, blood, insanity and insanity ensued. No, insanity did not paste itself on its on the other words. I guess I’m among those naive people who don’t understand the whole revenge theory and its various benefits. The sad part though was that it religion that once again was the main “motivator” for the violence. A quote for the uninitiated:

“Delusion arises from anger. The mind is bewildered by delusion. Reasoning is destroyed when the mind is bewildered. One falls down when reasoning is destroyed.” -Bhagavad Gita

The blood of the innocent have no reasoning.

In America and other parts of the world , an Islamic hate wave spread. Korans being burnt and anti-Muslim protests spread like crazy. Extremely intelligent folks started branding all Muslims “terrorists”. Sikhs in some parts were attacked cause they looked like “fuckin’ Arabs! ” Ignorance and intolerance that was primarily born out of fear spread to many places across the world. Even some Christians, most recently the maniac in Oslo , considered this to be a war on Christianity of some kind. People of an entire religion were blamed for a crime done by fanatics who are more ungodly than anything else that has ever stepped onto the face of this earth.

In the issue of Islam, I have talked to only a few Muslims in my life but through them realize that they too hate these diabolic nuts like hell. The damage caused to their faith is huge but they realize that people react because they too are deluded by certain sections of the mainstream media. But the truth is, people are not as intolerant as we think. During my stay here, I’ve met a certain section of Americans who seem to understand that terrorism has no faith or alliance of any kind. The perception of all Americans being fat-bellied rednecks who spit out racial slurs at the speed of light is just another stereotype that all races face. Ignorance born out of fear.(While talking about stereotypes, check out this hilarious  song by YouTube’s highest subscribed channel)

So what did 9/11 teach us? That man nobody is safe as long as we stay curled up pretty inside our own comfort zones and keep wishing that everything just goes away on its own. The world can no longer function under the perimeters of individual nations. It begins on an individual basis when people start with the simple yet so uncommon “respect” situation. You might not necessarily like somebody’s opinion or their outlook but that does not give you the right to discriminate. Intolerance lays the seed for discontent and snowballs into something worse. Till the point that you think the other person is right inside their own confines and it does not interfere with the well being of other humans, we must learn to love and respect them. That however does not mean we empathize with those who in the name of falsified doctrines turn to slaughtering people. I guess as  a Christian I am supposed to say that forgiveness is the way forward. But I personally believe that those who intentionally take another’s life for no fault of the victim’s, then they lose the right for their own.

We can’t always stare and wait for time to mend things, can we? If injustice has to be wiped out, we must first try and change things in our daily lives. Not by a raising arms, but by initiating dialogue. Discrimination of any kind, be it race, origin or religion, must be destroyed. We are only strong as a community because individuals can be wiped off easily but a force made of peace loving humans is too hard to diminish.

“All the problems of the world could be settled easily if men were only willing to think. The trouble is that men very often resort to all sorts of devices in order not to think, because thinking is such hard work.”- Former IBM President Thomas Watson

There are some who say 9/11 cannot be compared to the atrocities that have been rampant in so many countries for so long or that the actions taken by the American government after the war were simply outrageous. There is truth in those statements and that is disputed. But what has to be remembered is that it is only after 9/11 that people started viewing these matters as  a global problem instead of local happenings. 9/11 opened our eyes to the bloodshed  that has been existed for so long now. It was our awakening to the cries of those who died while we slept oblivious to their pain.

People are still dying. The most recent being the blasts in Delhi on the 7th of this month. With each attack, our desperation and frustration reaches a new level. How can we unite under one banner if more of us keep getting blasted apart like mannequins at a shooting range!

So remember 9/11. Remember the fact that for so long the world has always been on the road to destruction simply because people were just too scared to join hands together as one. Never before has the need for a united spirit among us humans been so high. The Arab Revolutions of 2011 have been the first indicator of people trying to rid themselves of the old order. Change will come but only when those who seek start changing themselves.

Our freedom can only be won together.

Alan Jackson’s beautiful song in memory of 9/11
http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/gPHnadJ-0hE?rel=0

We are all so full of shit.

Just because you can google just about everything doesn’t mean you actually know/feel what it actually is.

Facebook of all places reveals such epic attitude. All you need is an ignorant/abusive/philosophical touch to it and the wise men from across the Facebook world descend upon the status message with more urgency than a g8 summit! Then we have smart words, more ignorant crap until we ensure just about everyone is appreciative about our intellect and abnormally high level of thinking. How do I know this? Cause im exactly like one of the aforementioned idiots.

We are young! What On earth are trying to figure out? The Meaning of life and other related shit?

I can only judge myself(very smart eh). For long I used to think I had this whole globe figured out. I could understand emotions and actions of others. Or atleast I thought I could. I was running in a circle of self deceiving crap.

The one thing I found is that the only way to realize and answer all our secret questions is by not caring . The incredible feel of not worrying about the consequence is so beautiful . The only thing being that you must be true to yourself.

I have started trying it. Its epic.

So that’s about it. The rest of life has a lot of time to be figured out. And even if there isn’t , then man I’m not going to stop and think and kill my brain.

I won’t get that moment again.

This blog has so many emo references that sometimes I’m forced to think if my life is  so depressing in the first place. On a daily basis, I find myself in situations where there seems to be no room for sorrow. I fool around, crack witty remarks and in general survive without wondering much about consequences. It almost seems like I shield myself from a certain “serious” part of life that remains hidden behind layers of fake laughter. But once in a while,something breaks through that barrier and I’m forced to face life. Life which is unbelievably diabolic and seems to love smirking at my stupidity. Today was such a day.

I grew up in Delhi but like a few might know,my parents are originally from Kerala from where they shifted to seek a better life and fortunes. So I was raised like any normal kid in the North with more of an affinity towards rajma-chawal than idli-sambar. But my parents tried desperately to make sure that I never forgot my roots. They faced heavy resistance from me and my elder siblings as we just couldn’t identify with that. Yet, they tried small things like making us watch Malayalam movies and eating Southern delicacies once in a while. This gave us a faint taste of our origins but never the full package. That would happen during the month long family trips to Kerala. Our relatives would think we were uptight city kids who refused to communicate. They,however, soon realized that language was the actual barrier. I remember talking to my cousins as a kid using hand symbols/actions. Those days are blurred but what I remember vividly is my last trip to Kerala.

This July, a month before I sailed away to Purdue, my parents wanted me to go back one last time. I remember protesting like a Libyan rebel about how dumb the whole idea was. The fact that my own eldest sister was settled there didn’t seem to be part of the criteria. Guess the city wind does that to you. Anyways, my parents prevailed and we flew straight to the land where my blood relatives dwell. It was funny as at that point I hadn’t considered the fact that I wouldn’t be meeting them for like another 4-5 years. And these were people who actually cared about me. I remember counting the days like I was completing a jail sentence. I couldn’t wait to leave. There are 2 incidents I will never forget during this journey.

The first was we finally went to the place where my dad grew as a kid. It was up a hill and as he recounted tales of how he walked around 5 miles to go to school, something weird happened. All of a sudden, I just didn’t wanna leave. The hills, the wind and the calm I felt were new experiences. It was peace like I had never felt before. I met relatives I had just heard of before. This was of course not told to anyone because..er…I’m dumb.

The second memory is one that I will never forget and is responsible for my sudden emo outburst today. I remember travelling to my Dad’s younger sister’s place just two days before we left. I was personally not about to go as well because I just didn’t feel like. But I was dragged along with my parents . My aunt Mary, was suffering from cancer at that point and everything was apparently in control. I grumbled along the way over how awful the weather was, how the traffic got to me and even how weird the surrounding area smelled! I guess seeing her stopped my moaning. The trip in itself was irrelevant. We all just had lunch together and then she wished me luck. She was once known for her sarcasm and light-hearted outlook towards life. She had lost her strength now but she did manage to punk me once in a while. Anyways, she blessed me and told me that I would do great in life. I smiled as convincingly as I could and walked away.

4 hours ago she died of cancer. And I feel pathetic. Pathetic because of my attitude towards where I truly belong. And also because I was helpless.  I talked to my cousin who showed remarkable maturity in the situation. He told me he was happy the pain was over. He said he knew she was happy now. I cut the phone and walked back to my room.

Then nothing. Love hurts.

Like most teenage guys, I was drawn towards rock/metal initially. LP was an obvious influence but I soon got to know about Creed, Nickelback  and Metallica. Names like Iron Maiden ,Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd remained domains I wasn’t bothered to touch. Also, it was at this time that I developed my everlasting respect for Eminem. I know people love to diss rap as not being music and I have no intention whatsoever to take part in that discussion. He just makes sense to me and that should be enough.

Boy bands were the thing as well and I won’t lie about never stepping enjoying their tracks. Blue are still a personal favorite. Try this.

But I guess it is in Class 12 that my tastes finally evolved and a more mature sense appeared. I have always been an advocate of how important lyrics are. The tune might be great but if the words don’t match,then the song’s ruined. Till now I would listen to recommended music or stuff from my sisters collection. But now i decided to go on a music hunt. Discover stuff of my own and build my own collection. And even though that quest continues, I find it relieving to have finally unearthed stuff that had been sitting in front of me all along.

It started with Dave Mathews Band. Satellite had been a personal favorite long ago but I soon discovered how soulful the rest of their stuff was as well. Another personal favorite here . Then my favorite band, Poets of the Fall. Everyone had heard Carnival of Rust but stuff like Sleep went unnoticed. Plus, their Twilight Theater is the greatest album I’ve ever heard purely on basis of the perfect sync between the music and the lyrics. The Script and Coldplay are bands I love and respect as well. Iron Maiden’s Final Frontier was also great btw. Opera is something I never touched on before and things haven’t changed much. Over the course of the year, I developed a new found love for both the piano and the violin.

Like most things in my life,I picked up a lot of stuff from Chubba. Like Aerosmith , Billy Joel , Celine Dion , Michael Jackson and tons of others whom I frankly can’t think of now. She played a major role as well in diversifying my playlist.

So do I ignore Bollywood altogether? Nope. Though I would say it does get a bit too mushy for me sometimes.

So now I’m like a wayward soul drifting around looking for new stuff. The iTunes store has been helpful too,though cut a hole in wallet.

A few favorites then?

Flobots-Handlebars

Nickelback- Far Away

Free Bird (Amazing guitar solo)

John Butler Trio-Ocean

Johnny Cash- There Aint No Grave (Check out Hurt as well)

Plus a weird Chem Lab video

So what’s been happening? Many things. Like someone reminded me recently,too many things have happened without me even realizing. Details are too boring. It seems awkward to write on the blog right now. I have ignored it for far too long. It seems weird to read my old posts. I guess I’m a different person when I write. Or maybe I pretend to be. Emo shit. Blah.

Oh yeah we won. World Cup obviously. It was one of those situations when you know you’re happy but can’t fucking feel it. I waited so long for the moment and when it finally arrived,it was so…lame? Apart from a bunch of crazy friends jumping around me, no one else seemed to bother. My nation. My people. All seemed well..non-existent. Facebook seemed to be my only solace. And that in itself is so depressing.

Exams arrive soon. Starting with CS tomorrow. I don’t think I hate it. Not yet. I guess I can’t be bothered too.

United seem on the brink of another victory. Sorta meaningless in front of India’s WC win.

Purdue got crushed by VCU. Sad end.

Wrote a bunch of crappy poems/notes on Facebook. Feel extremely stupid about them now.

I am extremely happy about Sachin though. Our leader,  our true king.

Guess it’s time to go. Feels good.

.

Anyways, like most movies that tend to disappoint, the plot was cliqued. Here we go- “Rich son-Father dies-Change of heart-Faithful and ridiculously talented side-kick- hot intelligent chick- weird narcissistic villain- epic final battle- awkward jokes- awesome gadgets- happy ending- kiss my ass(optional)”

No, I did not expect something like the Dark Knight. Never. There won’t be another Dark Knight. However, you do expect people trying to make their movies more interesting. So now let’s take a look at specifics:

Seth Rogen as Green Hornet had to be the stupidest decision ever. You start realizing that soon  when you see him “dancing” or attempting something similar during the party scene right in the beginning. The fact is confirmed when he does his whole “OMFG Awesome” histrionics on seeing how his dad’s car had been converted into a deadly weapon.(Not close to the Bat mobile though. Not even close.) Jay Chou does the job of the Martial Art expert cum pervert cum Engineering genius decently. I would like to point out that the parts when he says that time slows down and he observes everything at a slower pace with better understanding reminded me a lot of what Shawn does on Psych. Cameron Diaz wraps up anyone worth mentioning(actually even she is kinda out of place but..er..) as she plays the role of Rogen’s new temp. Frankly, she looks more like his elder sister.

You may survive the movie due to the antics of Christopher Waltz(whose role as the Psychotic Nazi general in Inglorious Basterds is embedded in my head forever). Waltz acts as Russian Mobster Chudnofsky who is facing some sort of a mid-life crisis where he seems to think no one thinks he is scary enough. Yes, that is the best the writers could come up with.

In short, a must DO NOT WATCH!

Boiler Up!

2010 has been such a year. On the face of it, I have done as was expected by those who always envisioned an illustrious future for me. A college of my dreams, an education or rather more importantly a degree that shall set me up for life. A stamp on my resume that shall open doors for me that others dream of. A chance of a lifetime.

But life is more than a stamp. Life has to be about a passion-a thirst so unquenchable that a man loses himself to it. Not madness, pure adoration. Life is about love. About those whom you can never forget even though they reside mainly in your head and you can’t be with them at the present. Life is about pain. About overcoming that which others though was beyond comprehension. To give up has to be man’s most sinful invention. But we go beyond that. We try to con the world. Each single day we come out all guns blazing acting as someone we’re actually not. We smile, sneer, smirk, laugh,giggle,poke,snort and like. It kills us inside each day yet we continue the act. What we don’t realize amidst all this is that the only one being fooled is the trickster himself. All you’re doing is bluffing yourself. And when you realize that, you keep on running and try looking for a solution. The problems of the world seem easy in front of your struggle. You hang up your arms as a sign of giving up. You die even before the war started. You have lost the one you loved. And you find that love deserted you a long time ago.

What happens next has to be seen.

Chubba-You’ve always been right.

Butters- You deserve better.

Zara- Learn from my mistakes.

There is no wriggle room left now.

Only I can Heal my wounds…

It amazes me. Add astounds and bewilders to that as well. I am a legendary procrastinator (I am and you will never take that from me). I have an English research paper due in 3 hours and here I am writing another blog post. And that too about school…

Ok. Lemme be honest. When I was in school, I so wanted to get out of there. Like many a sophisticated thinker, I considered it too lame and couldn’t wait to taste the real world. Well honey, the real world ain’t sweet at all and it has bitter plastered all over it. Among various bouts of nostalgia I kept getting reminded of my last year at school. CLASS 12 D. The batch that had been named the most notorious ever because it was the exact opposite of what it had been meant to be. To those confused, D section in SFS is supposedly considered the “cream” of the school. The ENGINEERS! But our particular batch was known to be full of nut jobs and sociopaths hell bent on breaking the stereotype! I mean how do you explain 3 class suspensions per month?

The year began with me pretty sure on one thing. Screw IIT! I’m out of this country! America here I come! I remember being filled with this restlessness to leave the country. I left Brilliant after 2 months cause I was too bored and considered it useless. Truth was that I was too lazy and too stupid to realize that. This plus my interactions with certain species of the opposite sex had me pretty screwed up.

But I don’t wanna think about all that. Those are the bad memories. The good part was the hanging out in Class 12. Me and my group of around 8-10 guys were labeled “troublemakers” by every teacher possible. We were funny, crazy, devilish and hormonally charged teenagers raring to do something new and supposedly funky each day. If it was pelting chalks during Physics, then so be it. Or maybe ripping apart every single newspaper by throwing them at the fans and laughing manically whenever we hit bulls eye(Missing was kinda difficult but some still managed to do that). Or breaking test tubes in the Chemistry Lab and making all the Lab asses go crazy. And I can’t forget all the last minute lab work that we finished and all the times we went begging around for lab coats. Personally, I remember the verbal duels I had with my English teacher. She had this ability to rip apart many of my friends with her wit and wise cracks and I loved stepping up as their advocate. She was right most of the times but common- we were rebels who wanted to question most things just for the heck of it. I remember how many in the group developed crushes on girls they had made fun of earlier and how sometimes we got polarized depending on our opinion the chick. I remember we would stand up for each other in times of crisis. I remember when we all went crazy gambling among ourselves when the IPL started. We all soon realized that the only thing happening was us getting bankrupt. I for one swore that I would never try it again unless I was assured of winning or the games was rigged in my favour.   Each Day was a journey , a new experience. We fought, we reconciled.

What I love is that we were free. We wanted to fight the system. That urge to break free and become part of something new and refreshingly different. Now as I sit surrounded by strangers in this land far away from home, I feel trapped in something less meaningful. I agree that to many people the instances described above might seem deviant or borderline vandalism/hooliganism. But we were happy and the word couldn’t stop us from being just us. To any of those brothers of mine who I inconspicuously left behind, I hope we meet again comrades. I hope the world doesn’t curb our spirits. I hope each one of you turns into the renegade you were meant to be.

I left without a word to most of them. I almost cut contact without saying goodbye. I guess I just didn’t know what to say. Or maybe I was a coward as usual. I just wish we could all go back to that Gallery we sat on during lunch time and discussed just about everything. Or I wish we had another P.E. period where we could play volleyball and make fun of each other and cheat horribly to win. We grew up together and now life is soon taking us all away to a different place all together.

I’m not crying you fools. I just miss having the fun we had.

Maybe this blog post is for you. Or maybe it’s for my satisfaction.

Vaya Con Dios

1. Estatblish World Peace(Weird eh? Few,or rather none,know how I despise violence. Sometimes I wonder how easy it actually is to respect someone else and give them their space. I have no problems dying but before I go down,I wish I get one shot at this one)

2. Write a book(Controversial because people closest to me will testify that I’m too lazy and restless to sit down and pen something. But most of them will get surprised..one day!)

3.Start a band(Stop laughing damned! I have thought of a name,”Agony of Fire”,and came up with lyrics too! And that too at the bus stop! I know that most of the lyrics were explicit but we can change. I think Chubba will be the lead singer.)

4. Make a kickass website! (This one’s pretty twisted because it has money plastered all over it! I swear to God I’ve tried learning Python a 100 times but either fell asleep after 2 pages or got bored and started playing FIFA! On second thoughts,Python does’t seem to have anything to do with web designing but that was the only computer program I tried my hand at. C++ seemed too..uhmm..computerish?)

Feels good now that I’m out of the closet!(Most retarded phrase of all time!) I must now return to NBA. And yeah,stop laughing!

Plus,another good song. I got it from the Fbk profile of another wayward soul with a great blog. Will not mention name because I don’t know her that well.